Surprising as it may be, I am not on Facebook.
GASP!!!
I was….but I jumped ship.
And believe me – the world isn’t keen on those who go awol from what has turned into the very thread that evidently binds us as a culture. I have at least 3 conversations a week with people who say, “I tried to send you something on FB – are we not friends? I couldn’t find you!” or “Friend request me so we can keep in touch”.
And yesterday I tried to join Pinterest.com and it wont even let me register without being on FB or Twitter (of which I also am not)
So I wanted to repost the very first blog entry I did – about why I was leaving FB – and I want to tell you that I have never regretted the move. Yes, I am out of the daily loop. Yes, I do miss out on seeing 465 daily updates from people I used to, barely did, or don’t really know.
But there is an unplugged peace that I got when I left, and I wouldn’t trade it. I also found an extra 10 hours in my day once I stopped going down the rabbit hole of photos, and friends, and farmville.
So here is the post, and I would love to know if any of you have also walked away from social networking, and how it’s going for you.
SHE WHO BLOGS

That’s it.
I’m done with Facebook.
I am now blogging. I have decided to do so instead of Facebooking. There are lots of reasons for this, all completely personal to MY life – and not intending to be some general statement against Facebook.
Facebook, like so many other amazing technological advances, gives us the chance to reach out and reconnect with long lost friends, lovers, family members, and people we barely knew, with just a few keystrokes. Amazing and comforting in so many ways isn’t it?
But I found that for me it also creates a potential connection with of a lot of people who are better left living in that box in the back of my mind, neatly taped up, and labeled:
“Wonder what happened to…”
This box has several smaller boxes inside labeled:
“What If?”, “What Then?”, “Remember When?”, and “What Were You Thinking?”.
All of these little boxes contain memories and questions that mean absolutely nothing to my life now, and make no difference to anyone except the girl I was however many years ago when I originally asked them.
Facebook, for me, became more like being at some bar that doubled as a time machine.
Suddenly all these people from my past are existing in my present , even if only by being updated on their kids little league victory, grandmothers passing, or never-ending business meeting.
It was like opening up every yearbook I ever had, and looking at them everyday.
It became increasingly confusing to me how to separate who “used to be” in my life, and who really “is” in it now.
I mean, just because we dated 15 years ago and I was updated this morning about your dad’s cardiology tests or your kid’s new puppy… does that really mean we somehow exist in each others lives? And should we?
Who hasn’t found themselves only putting pictures of themselves that are attractive on their profile, and then enjoying a compliment from one of their 400 “friends”?
The problem is that what if that’s the only compliment you got all day?What if you find yourself getting more attention in your cyber-reunion than you do in your own home.
And are you giving as many “status updates” and compliments to the people in your real life – in real life?
How much potential for danger does Facebook hold when you feel only feel visible to the people who don’t reside in your 3D world? How much damage is being done to those who are becoming invisible to you?
I know myself well enough to say that when in an argument with my husband, finding myself in the land of the ex’s is not such a smart place to be, especially when those ex’s tended to be smooth tongued masters of words and woo. I wouldn’t want to have him, during an argument with me, hanging poolside at the ex-girlfriend beach resort.
I have the luxury of having a husband who has no interest at all in Facebook, or any other social networking. He networks by actually running into people. He knows at all times who is in his life and who is not. I never had to wonder if, during the 60 pounds I put on while pregnant, he sat up at night studying the newest photos of his bikini model ex girlfriend on Facebook. Which is probably best for both of us, since I was the one scrutinizing her extremely long legs, and non-pregnant abs while I berated myself for being an old pregnant walrus of a woman. (Note: She readily made the least modest photos the most accessible, for those of us not wanting to actually “friend” her.)
Even that – even the ability to photo-stalk your husbands ex and then compare yourself over and over again in a not so nice self talk is one of the things I hate about Facebook. Should we really be able to do that? Shouldn’t we be allowed a certain ignorant bliss about such things, that only if fate chooses to actually have your SEE each other, you otherwise can just imagine that they too have gained 60 pounds and have stretch marks?
How many nights did I lay in bed feeling inadequate and beached after spending an hour comparing myself to a younger, surgically modified, and airbrushed woman who my husband was with 10 years ago? Heaven forbid if we actually did run into her now.
Facebook allowed me to investigate, peer into, and reconnect to lives of some people I could honestly care less about, and some I should have no interest in now. People I didn’t want to pick up the phone and call, or meet up with in person – but who I gave hours to online.
My life is rich and full and has plenty to look at. I’m glad to know that everyone in my elementary school is doing well. I’m glad to know that all my high school friends have stopped smoking so much pot and have for the most part created what appears to be positive and full lives.
I’m glad I didn’t marry that guy, but I’m glad to see he found love & is a dad.
I’m glad to know that girl ended up being a nice person and she apologized for that mean thing she did 15 years ago.
I’m glad to know people thought highly of me, and remembered me.
I’m glad to know my college friends managed to find jobs and become responsible in spite of our useless degrees & endless partying.
I’m thankful for the opportunity to touch base with people who at one time I was close with, made memories with, and cared about. But for me – I want to take this time for this time, and be here now.
I want to retape those old boxes of memories up, and I want to focus on the future that I create without logging in.
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